My Testimony (In Progress)

Writing A Testimony is hard:

Like most of my posts, I did not anticipate how long this post would be. It turned out to be quite lengthy. Regardless, please enjoy.

In a weird way, I am scared of writing this post. I guess, because it’s about as vulnerable as one can get, sharing their story. But also, what is truer than the experiences we’ve lived? I remember speaking with my girlfriend recently about religious debate tactics, and it made me realize that by speaking about one’s own experience with our Lord, Jesus Christ, we create an opinion that cannot be refuted. Facts can be proven wrong, but our own experiences hold a special weight in explaining our choice to submit to God.

One day in my Tuesday morning bible study… felt prompted to share my testimony … this reading… man came up to me and said it was touching, thank you

(New American Bible Revised Edition, NABRE), Acts 12:6-11-
Peter thus was being kept in prison, but prayer by the church was fervently being made to God on his behalf.

On the very night before Herod was to bring him to trial, Peter, secured by double chains, was sleeping between two soldiers, while outside the door guards kept watch on the prison. Suddenly the angel of the Lord stood by him and a light shone in the cell. He tapped Peter on the side and awakened him, saying, “Get up quickly.” The chains fell from his wrists. The angel said to him, “Put on your belt and your sandals.” He did so. Then he said to him, “Put on your cloak and follow me.” So he followed him out, not realizing that what was happening through the angel was real; he thought he was seeing a vision. They passed the first guard, then the second, and came to the iron gate leading out to the city, which opened for them by itself. They emerged and made their way down an alley, and suddenly the angel left him. Then Peter recovered his senses and said, “Now I know for certain that [the] Lord sent his angel and rescued me from the hand of Herod and from all that the Jewish people had been expecting.”

Someone from my bible study said something very wise.

Don’t forget to share your journey. It’s not about sharing just the knowledge in this day and age, but to share your feelings and vulnerabilities. That honesty has incredible impact and credibility from you.

And he could not be more right. I often use my mind to deconstruct the world around me, but that only reaches so far. Vulnerability and emotion is how to connect with the heart. Since we are called to love with all our heart mind and soul. It is uncomfortable for many of us, but essential to sharing our gifts given to us by the Lord.

so i began writing…

Section	Description
Preface

My Story:

Preface:

Grew up in presbyterian daycare with very little religious family life
No talk (that I can remember) of religion in my family
During daycare I remember one specific moment where we were to grab two ice cubes and place one in each hand. The goal of the exercise was to feel the pain that Christ felt during the crucifixion being nailed to the cross. Instead of having a divine closeness to that moment, I simply said “this doesn’t hurt, give me more ice cubes!” That gives some insight into my feelings towards faith.
left daycare, left the church
Spent my teens battling Christians intellectually, using astronomy, and science to prove them wrong, judging them for their beliefs, calling their ideology silly and pointless
senior exit project was about religious tolerance, where I said I would go to 4 different denominations of Christianity. And some sort of youth ministry. One anecdote I recall was going to my local discussion, and just looking around very confused, every time someone tried to open up dialogue with me, I would physically listen to the, but my heart was closed to any possible change or new information. My confirmation teacher talks about questioners vs. doubters
I was one to take burdens and victory on my shoulders alone and not ask for help, one example is after losing a pole vault meet, I would take everyone’s pole bag (16-foot-long bag weighing upward of 50-60 pounds on each shoulder just because I felt I needed to punish myself)
Submitting to something was the farthest thing from my future
identity and self, lazy scooted by on impulse. Had intelligence, never did my homework, thought that my social life/sports would carry me throughout life, and that my personality and charisma would remove my need to be the hardworking disciplined person in the room. Saying “oh when I find my passion, then I will work hard”
talked about anti catholic with my dating life
disassociated state through childhood

The Divine Rescue:

…Peter, secured by double chains…

Brakes needed to be replaced, I roamed for 14 hours around cities i didn’t know
I rejected my homelessness (one day I was sitting at a table outside of a jamba juice with my dog at the time, a large tote with all my daily belongings and a journal, eventually it got too noisy, I had probably been sitting there for hours already, I got up and moved to a patch of grass in the middle of the parking lot, I didn’t think much of it at the time but I clearly looked homeless. The store owner came up to me and asked 3 seperate times if i was ok or if i needed water etc. And then finally he said hey where do you live? And I started getting quite annoyed that he thought I was homeless (I was) and eventually just told him no thanks no need to keep checking on me. The reality is that he couldn’t do much for my situation yes, but I should have had an open mind and heart, lost the ego and just had a chat with him.
In a relationship that promoted isolation, dependence, and I devoured it
Police banging on the walls, harassed to move
Van blew up, needed to be towed, didn’t have money to pay him, asked for his venmo so i can pay him in the future
Tow person was struggling to get it on truck
Mechanic said it would take 2 days and a grand
Got declined from 3 credit cards and accepted on the last one in front of the guy
Asked to sleep in his shop, he awkwardly said no, but i can sleep in the parking lot
wrath with selah?
Living in motel 6, getting harassed and kicked out for having kitchen appliances in there
Repairing couches and reselling them
Van only went 35 miles an hour up a tall hill
Ubering until 7am because motel 6 would only take cash, then sleeping
Sold all my possessions
Van got broken into story

Suddenly the angel … tapped Peter on the side and awakened him, saying, “Get up quickly.”…

Previous days felt like a spiral, the news, sin, I felt isolated and alone
I woke up in the van one morning, and everything looked…rosy
I felt a burden lifted from my shoulders
Found myself sitting, enjoying nature, losing the sense of misery
I felt connected

The chains fell from his wrists…

My days got better, I started to feel built up
Took solace in the library, nature

“Put on your cloak and follow me.” So he followed…

Pick up the phone and dial
Kyle > Mom > Dad
Kyle post tatoo, asking about his life, telling him all my crazy ideas
Mom, fearful and scared
Dad, security guard. more confident and sure

not realizing that what was happening through the angel was real…

The weirdest part was that I never questioned any of it, I submitted

They emerged and made their way down an alley, and suddenly the angel left him…

For you will go before the lord…
Visiting the church
father Steve
miracles
Tuesday bible study in the courtyard

Then Peter…said, “Now I know for certain that [the] Lord sent his angel and rescued me…

This is me now, in hindsight, it was all the work of the Lord
make me childlike
trials, growing,
bible study
confirmation

Conclusion:

Questions for you:

Are there any vulnerabilities in your life that you can share for the Glory of God?
What was something personal that someone shared with you that changed your view of the world?
What actions have you done that make you feel impactful?
Are there any relationships in your life that could use the healing of the divine physician?
What is one phone call that you should make to begin that healing?

Called to Order

Thoughtful Catholic Reflections

Disclaimer:

The opinions of Called to Order and it’s author Ryan Fegan, are personal beliefs and should not be held to the same level of importance as official church or biblical doctrine and/or teachings.